Blurt It Out!!

My baby

Posted on: August 20, 2010

Last Monday we went for our monthly check up. The baby is now clearly visible..hehhe. We can see the leg kicking, the hand, the spine and the head. It felt so amazing. However the heart beat is a bit slow, maybe cos I’m not feeling very well but the Doc reassured us that everything is fine.

I however, has put down nearly 4 kilos since my last visit. With all the headache, dizziness and vomiting, it’s not a surprise actually.

I have become a very boring person since I got pregnant. I hate shopping malls, an hour at malls will make me want to sleep 3-4 hours! I felt so tired!!

Since I’m always tired, I haven’t been to any of my friends wedding or event. Suddenly I’m no longer in the circle. They don’t even invite me anymore, and I don’t blame them as I will say No anyway. Felt quite sad actually, being completely cut off from friends. Except for Aan and Zara, these two keep sms and calls every week though sometimes I’m too tired to even talk. It meant a lot, thanks korang.

And I get very sensitive too (hence the para above). Most nights I had tears in my eyes cos it felt so lonely. Even cried when hubby had to delay his journey to come here due to family matters at home. I don’t know who am I anymore. Become totally a different person.

I don’t know how my mother and my MIL do it. They too used to have long distance marriage like us. I asked mum, she said she just have to bear with it and be strong. Yeah, that’s what I’m doing, when the situation kicks in, nothing u could do other than bear with it.

I get scared thinking about the baby. Will I be a good mother? Can I bring up this kid to be a good Muslim? It’s scary, the commitment and responsibility is so huge! Just like marriage. I’m so scared of marriage before but I don’t want to ended up being alone so tawakkal, just do it. Alhamdulillah, so far so good, despite the distance. And I guess it’s the same thing with having a baby. I’m not ready. Never know when I will be ready. But it’s the next step. I don’t want to be childless so just do it. Hahahhaha. And  pray hard that Allah will help us in bringing up this baby.

I never am ready for this sort of thing. I just follow the next step.

And hope Allah will help me getting through all this easily.

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