Blurt It Out!!

Flying away again

Posted on: June 7, 2013

I’m going away for work assignment tonight. A month.

A month of no cuddles, no kisses, no “mummy” from Danish. Ahh, misery.

I experience depression at new level now.

This time the feeling is very much different from last time when I had to be away.

Maybe because last time Danish isn’t with me all the time?

Maybe cos now I sleep with him everynight? See him everyday? Play with him whenever I have free time? That he occupied my mind 24/7?

This time its just so hard, on me. He is fine. He loves being pampered by his grandparents and the maids and the uncles and aunties. He did ask for me but no crying, wailing etc. He’s fine.

I on the other hand, cannot even look at his photos without tears in my eyes.

He occupies my mind all the time, like how it always been but this time, it tug my heart, it make me sad, I get so depress that I really think straight anymore.

Now I understand a little bit why a loss of child can make a mother go crazy. Because it can. The depression is unimaginable.

Everyday I have to tell myself to be strong, it’s only a month, everything going to be ok.

And it is for our future, for our benefits. We cannot afford not to have me not working.

So I have to be strong. It’s only a month. Hopefully time will pass by quick.

Allah, please help me. Permudahkan lah ya Allah segala urusanku dan keluargaku. Lindungilah seluruh ahli keluarga ku.  

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