Blurt It Out!!

Random thought that need to be write

Posted on: November 25, 2013

It’s sunday night. I just got back from Penang. And of course,emotionally unstable, which mostly, will show until end of monday. 

I guess i need more mantra tomorrow, can’t be so grumpy tomorrow as it’s a close friend birthday and we are going out celebrating.

I know that long distance marriage/ family is common nowadays. Still, i hate it so much. I don’t talk to people on the flight. Yeah, with all that every Friday and Sunday flight KL-Penang, i hardly talk to the person next to me. Cos i hate all the queries. I hate telling them my story cos i hate that pity comments. Seriously, those pity comments made me weaker, ok. It made me feel so bad, made my eyes sting sometimes and my heart hurt so much. That’s why, keep the pity comments and pity looks. It doesn’t comfort me, it’s making me worse.

I feel like lying sometimes but i hate lying. Cos it just start with, “what are u doing in penang”. “visiting my family”. “where u stay/work/” which eventually leads to mention of a husband or a kid and, the rest is history.

And tonight, the passenger next to me start it first. She ask about the novel i read and so we start talking about book. then she start asking am i a student (seriously, dont laugh friends, i still get that kind of question all the time!! I must look like a student, hehehe). So, we talk about work and she mention she works in HR, in a company in Penang, And there i am, asking her if there’s vacancy at her company (i’m so desperate!!). So we exchange emails and phone number etc. 

And, she’s also a weekend mummy. She’s a divorcee, with 2 kids. She’s 34. Her parents in perak is taking care of her kids.

And so we of course start sharing our experience being a weekend mummy. At least i still have my husband.

All this divorce problem is scaring me, seriously. Why so many divorce cases hitting the women age 30s that is close to me? Not that close but i seems to just get the story of how this women is divorce etc. a lot. Of women that i know of. It scares me. It always made me rethink of myself. Am i a good wife. Did i make him happy. Do i nag a lot when he’s home? Does he feel at peace when i’m around? there’s so many questions in my mind. Cos i can’t lose him, it’s our little family that give me strength.

I pray that my husband and I will always love each other, care each other. Bring peace to each other. Bring strength when any of us need it. 

And for me to not make face when the situation displease me, for it is through him i’m close to heaven door. 

For me to be a good wife, to talk to him pleasantly, to always say thank you, and i’m sorry.

and i love you.

Let’s all try to be better spouse to our partner, better parent to our child. 

Though there’s that distance, i hope i am a good mother to my son. And of course, i am the chosen one. Allah chose me for this test cos i can endure it, and like my favourite ayat says “verily, along with hardship there’s a relief” – alam nasyrah

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