Blurt It Out!!


Posted on: December 26, 2013

What a coincidence that so many public holiday this year falls on wednesday. Sigh. Meaning i had to spend one day on my own, and not at office. 

I used to enjoy my alone time. I always feel grateful that i’m ok being alone, that i enjoy being alone but lately, loneliness hit me hard. I hate the idea of going home cos the moment i entered the ‘home’, i feel lonelier than ever. Lately i didnt go straight home after work. instead i ask friends for dinner. or sometimes just wondering around the mall. most of the time i wish i could drive somewhere the whole night until i’m tired. but even that, even when i’m among the crowd, my heart still longs for my husband and son. Each kid i saw remind me of Danish. Not helpful when i work next to a mall where there’s always kids. Sigh. Guy holding a baby, remind me of my husband. Young couples with PDA, remind me of him. Sometimes i just dont know where i should be to stop this pain in my heart.

InsyaAllah, it will be over soon. I really hope so. I’m going to send the resignation letter this mid Jan maybe. Just enough time until audit done, i hope! I wish i could be selfish and just leave, not caring about the audit but i hate this guilt i will bear for my whole life. i hate when my heart not at peace so i might as well just wait for one more month for audit to settle then i can just go in peace.

Neway, the serving period is 3 months, hopefully it will be an easy 3 months. Hopefully the plan goes well. Even if all else fails, at least i know i’ll be happy that our family is together. that there’s no more sunday evening drama, no more farewell tears…

how funny, never thought i’m in this position, where i’m about to quit my job, accepting huge pay cut and finally, struggle in making ends meet. My life will never be the same after this. I have to struggle a lot, no more laidback work 😉

And i can do this. 


1 Response to "December"

hmmm..i have no other word to console you. but hang on ok? kejap je tak lama lagi.

on another note, i seriously think u can be a writer. somehow, they way u write sampai to me. it’s simple and straightforward, but i feel it

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December 2013
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