Blurt It Out!!

Fear

Posted on: January 10, 2014

I’m always scared of being poor. I think that’s what drive me to do well since school. The idea of being poor. I never experience being poor, growing up, my parents provided enough for us. We are not rich but we never go to bed hungry, and we always have new clothes for hari raya. I don’t know why the idea of being poor scares me, maybe when my parents was in UK, I was sent back to Malaysia and during those time, I stayed with my aunty who is not well off as us. At that time, I considered my aunty family as poor. Though their kids also never have to go to bed hungry, but they don’t have a car. And living with them, make me vow not to have that kind of life. So I strive hard, studied well, so that I won’t be poor. The idea of have to live in a village, not having car and not being able to eat fruits such as grapes and apples (as they are considered expensive fruits) scares me a lot.

I guess it pays off. I’ve got a well paid job, I’ve got a nice car, and nice house, and I could buy any fruits I want, I guess now I’m not poor.

This fear of being poor, I think I’m going to be tested on it. But not poor enough that I won’t be able to afford food but poor where I have to reduce my current lifestyle. By quitting current job and move to Penang, my salary would be cut by half. And that is scary. Suddenly the thought of being poor and have to struggle to make a living come into my mind. Lots of times my husband and I, we want to back out from this plan. I should just stay here, just the way it is. And I convince him, to proceed with this plan, as rezeki (money/wealth) is up to Allah. We should not depend on others, we depend on Allah and have good thought that this is just another test in life and as He said, verily, after each difficulties there’s easiness and rewards.

It will be a test of my fear. And I should overcome my fear.

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