Blurt It Out!!

Dutiful wife

Posted on: July 8, 2014

I am still overwhelmed with this duty as full time mother and wife. Both two are emotionally and physically drained. I am still trying to juggle to meet whose needs first, the husband or the son. Of course, in Islam we have to meet the needs of the husband first.

But then, there I was, trying to negotiate with the husband, pushing him to understand that I need to be a mother first, I need to spend time with the son first. So forgot about spending time together talking about our days cos there, our son is screaming for my attention. Forgot about meeting his emotional needs which is attention from his wife cos there, the son is again screaming for mummy, ‘come and paint with me”.

I find it so difficult being a wife and a mother. Meeting my own expectation which is to keep everybody happy is already hard enough. Daily, I forgo husband needs cos he’s a big boy, he’s an adult, he will understand. But at the end of the day, when the house is silence, I felt so bad, for not being there for him as a wife, as a partner, as a lover.
I am still trying to work it out. How to plan my day. How to be a wife first and a mother second.

At the moment, we are still living with my in laws hence there’s no ‘housewife’ part I need to do. No cleaning or cooking etc. If I do not work it out now, I think it will be worse when we move out later, living on our own.

I mentioned before I do not believe in happy for ever after kinda marriage. For me, to have a happy marriage, both sides need to work hard to make it happy. And the thought of my husband leaving me scares me a lot. When there’s something I did which hurt/anger him or when we argue over something, that thought always crept into my mind. But sometimes I think it’s okay to have this kind of thought, it keep me grounded, it stop me from pushing it too far, it make me forgive the small stuffs and be grateful at the big stuffs, it make me appreciate good moments more.

So, this is my current dilemma. How to be a wife first and a mother second. I read an article somewhere that said that the least the wife could do to the husband is keep him company when he’s eating. Don’t let him eat alone at the dining table. Ignore the kids for that moment, keep him company.
I tried to do this. And I hope there won’t be days he’s eating alone at the dining table.

I am grateful to be able to observe a good role model on marriage. It’s my in laws. They still holding hands!! I caught them holding hands while they take a nap yesterday evening, sigh, so sweet. Hope we be like that too, still in love 

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