Blurt It Out!!

I downloaded drop box to back up my photos. I’ve had dropbox account for years but rarely use it. So when i login, i found some old photos that i saved there.

One of them is my photo and video with danish just before his operation when he was 2 years old.

I remembered the moment. Though it was a minor operation, there’s so many what if in our mind.

I forwarded the photo and video to my husband. He replied saying, maybe Allah intended for us to only have one kid. And he is special.

I cried reading that because Danish is just so special. 

 I remembered how i cried when i knew i was pregnant. It wasn’t a happy tears. I cried because i realised then that the baby will affect my career. I have to settle down and not chasing the corporate ladder. 

Now i felt so grateful that at least i have one child. That even at that time i was uncertain whether im ready to be a mother, Allah knows. And HE is the best planner.

My dear Danish, you are a wonderful gift to us. May you grow to be a kind wonderful man and successful in everything you do. 

There’s no regret in leaving my career and choose to be with you.


Posted on: November 27, 2016

I watched a movie called “me before you” earlier. It was based on a book by Jojo Moyes. I’ve read several of her books but not this one so i don’t have any expectation before watching.

It was a happy, funny and terribly sad movie. I kept wiping my tears. It does made me think though. How we are encouraged to keep fighting and never give up when faced with terminal illness or permanent disability. But there are some people who think life actually is over when they are disable or with terminal illness and wished to be put to death. And they get their wishes.

I read about a women who requested to be put to death as she encountered a no-cure illness. She did a farewell party few days before. 

I guess it was heart breaking for the family and friends but the reason they have when they decide to do it is quite reasonable too. 

It’s similar to suicide. 

I also watched a movie about Stephen Hawking few months back. I truly admire him. For me, his spirit and determination to keep on living is such an inspiration. He’s totally 100% dependable on people and he didn’t give up. Or maybe it’s called selfish, doesn’t mind burdening other people with caring for him 24/7. His wife is just the best, devoting most of her life to him and their kids. Even now that they have divorced (he had an affair!) , she still live nearby and visited him often. 

For me, i would choose to live if there’s people who love me and doesn’t mind to carry the burden. 

Though i’m praying to always be grant with good health all through my life.

Well hello there september.I just got discharged from hospital earlier this afternoon. 

Apparently i’ve gotten virus from danish, he was admitted couple of days earlier due to poisoning and i started experienced vomiting, nausea etc the following day.

It was horrible! I vomit everything i ate and nothing i ate can calm my tummy. I cannot sleep either.
So off to hospital i went.

I’m feeling bit better now but i hv to really monitor my food and take them frequently. No dieting here! 
We are going to japanese for dinner and i actually googled, does japanese food made u gassy.. Huhuhu.

Anyway, from my google result, my best bet is fish so i’m gonna order salmon later. And avoid all other stuffs. 

Anyway, we went to langkawi last weekend. Together with my parents and siblings. Our first family holiday with everybody. 
And literally after we reached penang from langkawi, danish got admitted due to food poisoning. What a vacation! Luckily it didn’t happen while we were in langkawi!
Langkawi trip on next entry! I’m off to dinner!

I read yet again another opinion from a western guy on muslim women. He urged for burqini to be banned. Burqini basically is a swim suit created for muslim women to wear which looks similar to diving suit. The basic is to have our body and skin covered. 

So, he claimed that muslim women are oppressed, do not have choice at all, totally being control by men in their life. 

What a stupid generalisation of all muslim women! 

I’m 33 years old now and frankly, i’ve never met this type of muslim women in my life! Maybe they exist somewhere in this world but i haven’t meet any muslim women that are oppressed and have no control over their life!

My marriage wasn’t arranged. We date for 7 years before we got married. My friend was in an abused marriage and she filed for a divorce and gotten approved by the court. We muslim women have say in our life! We can drive, we can work in any profession we want, we can study, we can argue with our husband without getting kill (thats what this western guy think) – heck, i think we have freedom just like the westerners! 

I wear scarf because i want to. I believe by covering my hair, Allah will give me more good deeds and i can be in heaven. 

It is my belief and who are you to ridicule other people beliefs? 

I just hated this generalisation. I guess somewhere the oppressed women does exist but do not generalise and assume ALL muslim women are like that.

For me, banning burqini is an oppression. I hated that i can no longer swimming with my child due to this. 

Open up your mind, travel more. Make friends with other muslim women and see if your opinion of them is true. 


Posted on: July 29, 2016


We had a great and tiring raya at Jitra. I cooked rendang, it was a success as everyone commented how delicious it is. BUT damn it was so tiring-luckily only need to cook it once a year! 

On the first day of raya, we went to visit relatives on my mum side. This is what i like about raya with my parents, we will visit so many relatives and i can feel the raya spirit. 

On second day of raya, another super tiring day as my parents held their annual raya open house. Which meant i’m stuck at kitchen whole day! Washing dishes, prepare the foods. Thankfully not many guests came at night compared to previous years. Oh, saleha my ex-colleague came. Oh, i miss my KL friends so much! I’m so glad to meet her and hv a good laugh and talk.

Once all the cleaning was done, my husband lit up some firecrackers to the delight of all the kids. Danish wanted to play sparkles but my 2 y.o nephew doesn’t know how to behave yet so we just let them play pop pop. Much safer. 

Day 3- we went back to Penang. My family joined us and we stayed at vistana for the night.

Day 4- early morning swimming with Danish. I wish i could remember how to swim huhuhu. 

Then all of us gathered at my in laws, stuffing ourself with more food.

Then fatin came! I havent seen her in like 2 years and i’m just so happy to see her and her siblings!

We had great laugh just like old days. I miss the old days. 

2- 4th of july

I turned 33. And i got to celebrate it with my parents and siblings. I cannot remember when was the last time i celebrate my bday with the 2 ppl that was responsible for my existence! 

I spend whole day in the kitchen while danish keeping himself occupied with painting a huge box. I’m just so glad for that box! Keeping my son entertained for hours! Haha

Then my dad bought birthday cake and of course, the kids got to cut the cake! Hahaha.

So, it has been a great July 🙂

There’s one incident plastered in my memories, one i cannot forget.

This happen few months back and the image still fresh in my mind.

I was at tesco, queing at the cashier. In front of me is a women and a boy around 8 yrs old which i assume is her son.

They look happy as they queue. When its their turn to pay, the mother open her purse and took out few coins and paid. I was curious, what did they buy that can be paid with few coins?

The son took the plastic and i noticed inside the plastic, there’s one small red apple, a green apple and an orange. It cost them 1 ringgit.

The son beamed and looks so happy, like his mother just bought him what his heart desires. 

3 small fruits. 

I then realised how the mother tried hard to fulfil his son request. Fruits which cost her 1 ringgit. Which the 1 ringgit could be very significant for them. 

I feel like buying his son some chocs or crackers , junk food i knew kids love cos i wonder if he ever taste them. One bar of chocolate cost more than 1 ringgit and i wonder if they could afford it. 

Its just so sad and also happy to see how the boy smile widely at his mother as she pay. And i’m so glad they can buy some food at one ringgit. 

How fortunate am I? To be able to afford any my heart or family desires without counting the coins in my purse. 

This incidence is there in my memories as reminders- to not spend excessively on things i dont need , instead spend it on the needy.

May 2017
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